Family Matters
by canadian-pirate-girl
Summary: For my friends. They are Jack's daughters in the present day and Melissa's all gaga over her dad and Ashley is sickened by this, Jack is married to Ana and he's trying to stop drinking...
1. Captain's Daughters

Jack stood up and straightened his bow tie. He looked quite dashing in a tux, actually. Why so formal? He was determined to be on his best behavior tonight. No drinking, whatsoever. Of course, it was a huge sacrifice and an immense challenge for him. But he had promised his physician, not to mention his wife, Ana-Maria, and twin daughters, Ashley and Melissa.

Pirates and Co. was hosting their annual New Year's ball, and it was going to be held at the most posh location in town: The Faithful Bride. Much updated from what it used to be, the tavern was now a five star restaurant and lounge. It was, of course, always a favourite hang out for the friends, but as times changed, it modernized along with its faithful customers. How did the pirates come to live so long? The secret's in the rum, but that's another story…

Jack looked up at the mirror, tucked in his shirt, buttoned his collar and put the French cuffs on his sleeves.

"Daddy!" cried two voices.

"Hey!" Jack responded as his two daughters ran into his arms. He stood up. "Whaddaya think?"

"You look great!" they replied unanimously. However, Melissa was thinking to herself:

"_If he weren't my dad I would totally marry him…Creepy, but true."_

Melissa and Ashley were not identical twins, not in the least. Melissa was tall, brunette, and had hazel eyes. Ashley, on the other hand, was much taller than Melissa by a good few inches, had ash blond hair, and her eye colour had changed so many times everyone just lost track.

"Come on!" called the voice of Ana-Maria, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs. "You're going to be late!"

"In a second!" replied Jack. He looked at his daughters. "Don't you dare become like your mother." he said. "She should know by now that a pirate captain is never early nor late. He arrives precisely when he means to."

The girls giggled. Jack kissed them both on the cheek and hurried down the stairs, waving goodbye. Melissa blushed as they stared out the window watching the car pull out of the driveway.

"You're sick, you know that?" Ashley scolded Melissa.

"What?"

"How can you like him? I mean, he's our Dad!"

"It's not like I can help it…"

---------------------------

Meanwhile, Jack and Ana were speeding off in the car. As fate had it, it had turned out that Jack had caused a delay…and wanted to make up for lost time.

"Slow down!" screamed Ana nervously, gripping on to the dashboard with her nails. "I told you to let me drive!"

"Like that would get us there any faster!" he shouted back. Sirens went off somewhere behind them. "Uh-oh, cops…"

Now, one would expect the ex-pirate captain to try and avoid them. That's what he normally would have done, except his wife was with him. So he pulled over. The officer came up to the car.

"I'm going to have to write you a ticket, and I'll need your driver's license and registration."

"How much is the ticket for?" asked Jack a little sheepishly. Ana was glaring him down like a hawk.

"300 dollars."

"What do you say to 400, and we forget the license?"

The officer stared at him as if he were a maniac.

"No, I'll need the license."

Jack handed it over, and as the officer walked back to his police car, Ana slapped him. Hard.

"Yeah, I deserved that…"


	2. The Bloody Mad Girl

_Disclaimer- I own many of the characters' personalities, but not their names, with the exception of my own. Yes, this is a Mary Sue, but sort of different because it's really about my friends. But you'll see._

_Dedication, because I feel like it- To Meli (Mrs. Depp) and Ashy (Appin Took)_

* * *

The girls sat on the floor in front of the big screen TV, channel surfing and flipping through magazines. Melissa was cutting out pictures of her favourite celebrities to post in her agenda. Ashley said that it was "healthy" for her, to start stalking someone other than their dad. They soon discovered that nothing good was on, so they turned off the TV and Ashley plopped herself down in front of the computer decidedly to continue her Fanfiction story in which she and her friends get sucked into "Middle-earth". Much to her dismay, it had been deleted and she cried out in frustration.

"How was I supposed to know that they didn't accept script-formats? Stupid flamers!"

"Really, I don't know how much more I could have taken of those guys having pillow fights, drinking, you causing trouble, drinking…it was getting quite boring to be frank."

"What?" exclaimed Ashley. "Let's see you do better!"

"Alright then."

Melissa sat down and started typing.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jack had made good of his promise. So far. Ana sat and talked with Elizabeth, gossiping and what not, while Jack was at the other end with Will. Norrington and Gibbs, between who had developed a quite unexpected friendship, were sitting at the bar.

Jack looked longingly over at the place where Norrington and Gibbs sat. "Just one drink, please?" he pleaded.

"No." said Will firmly.

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"With a cherry on top?"

"I swear Jack, you're just like a four year old who can't have his way."

"But I've been good! Just one!"

"You made a promise Jack. You promised, not only your doctor, but your family. What would Ana say? Besides, you have to drive home and I think you've gotten enough tickets and had enough points docked off your driver's license for one night."

"Ana can drive."

"Jack…okay. Let's do this fairly. I won't have a drink, you don't have a drink. Alright? Fair enough?"

"Okay…" replied Jack disappointedly, just like a little kid.

"So," asked Will, changing the topic. "How are your daughters?"

"They're good. Melissa's acting strangely though…she giggles whenever I try to talk to her, she blushes when I kiss her good night…it's freaking me out, man!"

"Hmmmm…" said Will pensively. "It sounds like she's got the hots for her dad."

Jack could have figured this out himself, but he almost choked on the deviled egg he was in the process of eating nonetheless.

"And you would know these symptoms how?" he asked curiously.

"Let's not go there. In any case, speak to Ashley, see if she knows anything about it."

"When did you become a psychologist?"

"Last year, remember?"

"Oh yeah…" he said, the thought just dawning on him. In a lapse of memory, he remembered making a mental note of something to tell Will, but the problem was that he couldn't remember what it was..."You know Will, I think that I'm having a mid-life crisis."

"Well, you've got the car…have you discovered golf yet?"

Jack hung his head.

"I'm terribly sorry, but it's a lost case." Will concluded.

* * *

Back at the house, Melissa sat back and stretched a bit. She stared at the computer screen in satisfaction, as Ashley stood over her shoulder and read.

Now, I would normally tell you what it read, but the phone rang, and that was a much more important event. So you'll find out some time, in the near future, what Melissa's story was even remotely about.

In the meanwhile, Ashley ran to pick up the phone.

"I've got it!"

"No, let me answer it!"

Melissa decided to pick up the other phone closer to the computer. No point in trying to beat Ashley to the kitchen. Amazingly, they both picked up at the same time.

"Hello?"

"Ashley, get off! I picked up first!"

"No, I did!"

"Um…hello?" said the caller timidly.

"Hi!"

"Get off Ashley!"

"No, it's okay…I'll just speak to both of you. It's Catherine."

"Hi, how are you?"

"It's sort of creepy how you say exactly the same thing at the same time…but…um…yeah. I'm good. And you?"

"We're good."

"Which one of you was that?"

"What?"

"Who just answered!"

"Huh?"

Dead silence, on all three ends.

"Okay, never mind. I was wondering, are you guys free on Saturday?"

"Sure, yeah. Why?" replied Ashley.

"I was thinking that we could maybe go see a movie or something."

"Okay, which one?"

"I don't know. Which one do you want to see?"

"The Aviator!"

"The Grudge!"

"I wanted to see Lemony Snicket's…"

"Okay."

"Is it okay with your parents?"

"Well, we really can't find out."

"Why not?"

"They're at their annual Christmas party."

She gasped. "Is Will Turner there?"

"Yes. Why are you so obsessed with him? First Melissa and our dad, than you and Will! Am I a loner out here?"

"Perhaps."

"Fine."

"Hey Catherine, do you want to come over here for a sleepover? Tonight?"

"Are your parents going to mind?"

"No, not at all! What could possibly go wrong?"

"Okay, so I'll see you in half an hour!"

* * *

"Sure Will, you can stay with us tonight! Why?" Jack inquired. Ana was at the wheel this time, and Will was in the back seat.

"Well, Liz and I sort of got into a spat."

"How, when? You both came to the party together."

"Well, I…um…got a speeding ticket."

Ana glared at Jack.

"When?"

"On the way here."

"So, tonight, you were a total hypocrite."

"Um…yeah."

"That's okay Will, you can stay with us. It'll blow over soon. Same thing happened to us, and we've made up already. _Haven't we Jack?_" said Ana, nudging Jack in the ribs.

"Oh yeah, sure! See, and we're married, and you and Elizabeth aren't, and if it didn't blow over with us, we wouldn't get a divorce, but you and Elizabeth are just dating so she could br…ah. I'm not making things any better, am I?"

"Nope." replied Ana and Will simultaneously.

They pulled in to the driveway and got out of the car.

"You know what?" said Jack, "Just forget everything I just said! That always works for me. See, when Ana gets angry and starts yelling at me, I just go and watch Spongebob and forget everything she…just…I'll be quiet now."

Ana slammed the door a little aggressively.

"Hey hey hey! Don't dent the car!"

They walked up the pathway, opened the door, and everything a person normally does when they want to get into their house.

But there was nothing. Silence.

"Ash? Meli?" called Jack.

"We're down here, Dad! Hope you don't mind, we invited a friend over!"

"That's fine, sweetie."

"We're all going to sleep down here, okay?"

"Well that's supposed to be where Will's going to sleep."

"We don't mind sharing!" called Catherine.

"Your choice, mate. Share with three teenage girls, or you can sleep on the sofa-bed."

"I've had some bad experiences with sofa-beds."

Jack stared at him.

"It folded up on me in my sleep."

Jack nodded not-so-sympathetically or sincerely. More like he was snickering.

"I'll go downstairs with the girls."

"Best of luck to you mate."

* * *

20 minutes later, Will realized that he had made the worst decision of his life. That friend of Melissa and Ashley's was bloody mad.

As Jack helped Will set up the sofa-bed, he realized what he had forgotten to tell Will. It had been about, of course, the bloody mad girl.

"Sorry, forgot to tell you 'bout her. Just remembered!" he said brightly.

"Could you have not tried to remember 20 minutes ago?"

"It's okay; she'll be gone tomorrow morning. And you won't have to worry about a thing. Except this sofa-bed folding up on you tonight…"

Will stopped dead in the middle of fluffing his pillow.

"Don't worry mate! It's safe!"

* * *

But she didn't go. That was the problem. On Saturday, they dragged Will along with them to the movies, and shopping, and, worst of all, Jack had forced him into it. He didn't want his daughters to go anywhere unattended by an adult. And the incessant giggling! He couldn't take it anymore.

At the end of his wit, while Melissa and Ashley went to the bathroom, Catherine stayed behind. Strange, really. Will had always wondered why girls go the bathroom in groups.

She started giggling and Will was about ready to strangle her.

"You know Will…"

"_My God…_" thought Will. "_She's starting to try and flirt with me!_" That was it. He had reached the end of his rope.

"No, you know what, Catherine? I have a girlfriend! I love her, and that's not going to change! I'm sorry!"

Tears began to pool in Catherine's eyes. "You mean…you're breaking up with me?"

"What do you mean, break up with you? All you've been doing is nagging me for the past couple of days!"

"You don't mean that, it's just a joke, right? Or…or maybe it's a study because you're a psychologist and…"

"No! Just listen to me, and stop crying! No…no…please…" Catherine was bawling by this point. "No, please Catherine, this looks really wrong in public…" he hushed.

Ashley and Melissa came out of the bathroom, and looked at the scene incredulously.

"What happened?"

"He…he…"started Catherine.

"Oh my God, he violated you! Come on, we're getting out of here!" Ashley exclaimed, loud enough for everyone in the whole store to hear. They helped Catherine up and walked out of the store.

"No! No! Please…" cried Will after them.

Two security officers came up behind Will, who was on his knees now. "Well, sir, it seems that we have a problem here…"

"No! It's not what it looks like!"

"I'm afraid you'll have to come with us, sir."


	3. Revenge of the Bloody Mad Girl

Revenge of the Bloody Mad Girl

As they just got out of the mall, Catherine was again capable of speech. "What are you guys doing? He didn't violate me! He just…just…"

"Just what Catherine?" asked Melissa. "You can tell us."

"He broke up with me. He said he has a girlfriend, and he loves her and all I did was nag him!"

Ashley and Melissa stared at Catherine incredulously, and broke out into laughter.

"There's nothing funny about it!"

"Oh well, Catherine. There's nothing we can do. He's probably in a meeting with some security guards right now."

* * *

"Well, sir, first off we'd like to see some identification."

The room was dark and dreary. As Will handed his driver's license to the guard, he thought that the effect was actually a little over dramatic for the "crime" he had committed; he hadn't killed anyone, stolen anything, or even violated anyone. Stupid Ashley and her immediate response to anyone in "danger".

"Sir!"

"Yes, sir."

"You've committed a very serious offense."

"I didn't do anything, sir, I swear! I know those girls personally; I'm a friend of the family. Their father demanded that I "supervise" them, and make sure they avoid people who commit crimes like the one you're accusing me of."

"Supervise?"

"Not in any other meaning of the word than its proper one!"

"You know the father of the girl in question?" spoke up the second guard.

"Well, not her father, but the father of her friends that were with her."

"We're going to need that number."

* * *

Just as the girls walked in the door, the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" screamed Melissa.

"Fine, you win this time, but I'll be back!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hello?" answered Melissa sweetly.

Ashley walked over to the fridge and spied a note, stuck on the door. The top part was held up by a beer-magnet, the bottom by a carrot-magnet.

"Hello, is your father there?"

"No, he's not here at the moment. He's actually…" she held the phone up to her chest and mouthed to Ashley "Where is he?"

Ashley held up the note and Melissa read it quickly. "…on a business trip, at the moment. May I take a message?"

"Well, we've got a Mr. Turner here, concerning an event that happened about half-an-hour ago. We wanted to verify, does he know your father?"

"As a matter of fact, he does. Is that all?"

"Is the girl in question present with you?"

"She is."

"Could you please put her on the phone?"

Melissa was sure that somewhere in the same vicinity as the guy on the phone, Will was banging his head on something, anything within 10 feet of him. But she did as she was told. She passed on the phone to Catherine, who had no idea what was going on.

"Hello. Are you the girl in question?"

"I do question myself, both my being and my sanity, sometimes. Yes. Is this a survey or something?"

After a short silence…

"I wanted to ask you about what happened, this afternoon?"

"Oh, yeah, that…well…he tried to br…ibe me. He said that he would pay me, to be his girlfriend, and go to…um…clubs with him, to show off to his friends. Yeah, that's it!"

The guard stared sternly at Will.

"Would you be alright with speaking to him now? To help set things straight between the two of you? Because you might not see him for a while, what with all the community service he's going to be doing."

Will was motioning with his hands, waving them, mouthing "NO NO NO!" and pleading with the officers.

"What did she say?" he asked the guard.

The guard held up the phone to his chest and told Will severely "You were trying to bribe her to be your girlfriend and bring her to clubs."

"No I didn't!"

The guard took no notice and waited for Catherine's response.

"Yes, please. If…it'll help set things straight." she said hoarsely through fake sobs.

The guard handed the phone over to Will, who grabbed it rather impatiently. He had never been this mad at anyone or anything, including the time when his rabbit had chewed a hole into his favorite pair of bunny slippers. Pure irony.

"Listen, when I get out of this mess, I'm going to find you and…!"

"That's enough!" the guard said authoritatively, yanking the phone out of Will's hands, and speaking to Catherine once again.

"I'm very sorry for this inconvenience, ma'am."

"That's alright."

"Thank you very much for your help. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Back at 113069 Scallywag lane, (or so the girls called it), Catherine hung up the phone. Melissa and Ashley stared at her with their arms crossed, and their brows furrowed.

"That wasn't very nice, you know."

"Oh, it's just a little joke. Nothing's going to go wrong. Where's your dad, by the way?"

"Business trip. But I'm worried."

"Why?"

"Well, our dad is self employed, as a conman. Maybe he got into trouble."

"Well, where's your mom?"

"She went with him."

Ashley looked at Melissa. "You think that Dad's in trouble, something to do with work? Like he conned some guys and they're holding him hostage, or he's been arrested?"

"Could be."

"Or," interjected Catherine "maybe they're secret government spies, trying to save the world! Or maybe they're being held hostage by aliens that want to experiment and find out why their brains are so much more advanced than ours!"

"Yep. Catherine and her conspiracies again." said Ashley, picking some wax out of her ear.

"Anything's possible." rebutted Catherine.

"But not to that extremity!"

"Let's just wait until morning to do anything, alright?" said Melissa.

* * *

A/N: If anyone finds this overly creepy, please tell me. Because my mom read it, and though she liked it, hoped that the actions of the characters, myself included, and situations in which they took part in resolved themselves. Particularly when I told her the supposed ages of said characters. I wrote this in March or something, but I'm only sending it in now. In any case, constructive criticism or even just a friendly hello is greatly appreciated. Thanks! 


End file.
